Insecurities
by Dusk Nightmare
Summary: I was a shut-in, afraid of being hurt again...that's how my entire life changed, and I got a family again, not to mention I went on the best journey of all anyone's life.-Summary sucks, but the story is a lot better! Characters are OOC, I am writing this in honor of finally finishing both DA:O, DA:2, or DA:Awakenings. Foul Languages, suggest themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Only time I will say this, I do not own Dragon age or it's characters it all belongs to Bioware, I only own Annalise, and Nathaniel Cousland is based off of a friend.**

Soundtrack-  
>Playing God: Paramore<br>Ignorance: Paramore  
>Scars: Papa Roach (Lyrics)<br>Jar of Hearts: Christina Perri (Lyrics)  
>_<p>

The pain of being alone is unbearable, but it's not so unbearable if you are like me, and have many  
>insecurities. I hide my insecurities by being alone, burying my face in books, or writing and video games, so I usually get called bookworm, or unsocial, or even a shut-in, but when I am alone I feel so free. Free from my insecurities, free from hatred, and bullying, free from myself. I never knew that because of these things I would be both unprepared, and totally prepared for what could be the best and worst thing of my life. When I didn't have my nose in a book, a TV screen, or a notebook writing I was practicing fencing, or running track, cooking, or even singing, nights on the weekends consisted of going to work at a bar, singing four songs, then collecting my pay, going home, practicing fencing, and going to bed either writing, or with a good book.<p>

I don't have many friends, only a few that I hardly see, but other than that I'm normally alone. I  
>wear anything with long sleeves to cover the cuts, I wear anything that covers my legs to cover the bruises and scars. I don't get into relationships for the fact that the last one I was in is still following me, he corners me, beats me, then sends me flowers two days later to 'apologize', but he leaves me alone otherwise. Like I said, the pain of being alone is unbearable, but it's not so unbearable if you are like me; You'll go out with the first guy who compliments you, you'll end up abused and bruised, break up, and want to go back to that man, then start the cycle all over again because your heart doesn't know better.<p>

Anyway, I bet your wondering what this story is even about, well let me tell you... it is my story  
>about how my life got turned upside down, all because I was a shut-in.<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please do not review any bad comments, I'm trying my best with a new writing style, flames will be met with over-kill happiness, or sarcasm.<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

Soundtrack-  
>Set Fire to the Rain: Adele (Lyrics)<br>Rolling in the Deep: Adele (Lyrics)  
>Last Friday Night: Katy Perry<br>Roar: Katy Perry  
>_<p>

Sitting on my couch, cuddled up with my big fluffy blanket, my long-sleeve black blouse, and my long leather trousers comfort me as I shake in fear of the thunder and rain outside, I jump as lightning strikes, thunder crashes outside, and quickly pull my knees up to my chest, my bare feet freezing. My house is in total black-out, and the breaker is out-side, I'm terrified of thunder so you can see how well this works out. That and the fact that my house if now freezing because the heater stopped working, I've even let my long scarlet hair down to see if that is any help, but it's not. Suddenly a bright blue light fills the room, causing me to become startled as I turn to see my HD flatscreen turn on, suddenly my X-box360 loading screen appears on my screen, confusing me to no end, suddenly the screen turns off once more, then a blue light shoots out of the screen, causing me to jump in shock, the thunder, lightning, and rain fade into the background as the blue  
>confuses me further, I stand slowly, hesitantly letting go of my big fluffy blanket, and taking a step towards the blue light. You know that person in the movie-theater at a horror movie who's like "<strong>DON'T DO IT<strong>!" well, I was never one of those people, I was like "**DO IT! DO IT! DO IT**!" so of course, I had to reach my hand towards the blue light, once my hand touched the blue light it sucked on to my skin, and started to spread down my arm covering my body, I look down as the blue light consumes my entire body, before I can scream it envelopes me entirely, and everything goes black.

Bright light pouring in through my eyelids, I groan as feel my head pounding. "And what do you suppose that we do, Nathaniel? We can't just leave the poor girl alone."I hear an oddly familiar male voice says.

"I expect you to follow my command, we have a blight to worry about, and you want to stop to-To-**TO**-to canoodling some girl who's probably never even heard of fighting!"I hear an unfamiliar male voice snap.

"C-Canoodling?"The first voice asks.

"Canoodling! You and Zevran can't keep your eyes off the girl, Alistair!"The second voice says, but as soon as I hear the two names I bolt up from my spot where I'm laying, looking around in confusion, and worry.

"Silence you two, the young girl is asleep, and she needs much rest."I hear the grandmotherly voice of Wynne causing my breath to hitch, and I look forwards to see that I am in a tent with the flap wide open. I rub my eyes before moving the bedroll, I crawl out before I climb out of the tent, and look around the all too familiar campsite of Dragon Age: Origins.

"Oh! May I perhaps interupt."I hear the Antivan accent of Zevran ask.

"Stay out of this elf."I hear Sten's disapproving voice say.

"Hey! Don't start with that!"Zevran yells, his Antivan accent thick, suddenly Sten and Zevran are in an argument, along with Alistair, Wynne, and the guy who looks like my character are in an argument too, on the other end of the campsite is Sandle, Bohdan, and Morrigan staying out of it.'I guess they don't know about  
>Leliana, Shale, or Oghren yet.' I think to myself, suddenly the arguing turns into yelling, and I cover my ears before sighing. I put my right hand's middle finger and thumb in my mouth, letting out a loud whistle, and everyone turns to me.<p>

"**WILL YA'LL SHUT UP**!"I scream, causing the now murmuring to go completely silent. "Thank you!"I sigh as I collapse to the ground, hold my head as the pounding continues.

"Hey!"I blink as I look up through my curtain of scarlet hair to see Alistair racing over to me, along with Wynne, and Zevran.

"Are you okay?"Alistair's voice asks right in front of me.

"Uh-huh."I hum as I let my head droop.

"You must be exhausted and very hungry young one, let get you something warm to eat, hmm?"Wynne asks.

"I'm not that young, ya know? I'm 24 after all."I state as Wynne helps me stand, she looks at me with a confused look, and I realize something. "I don't look any where near it, huh?"I ask.

"Not one bit, my dear."Zevran says in front of me, I turn my head to face him, then tilt my head to the side, and puff my cheeks.

"You remind me of someone I use to know."I state as Wynne slings my arm over her shoulder.

"Oh-ho-ho. Is this so?"Zevran takes a step towards me.

"Yeah...**I've always hated him too**."I state causing Zevran to take a step back, gauffing at me as I hear Alistair and Wynne both laugh. Wynne start to help me over to the fire, it isn't until I start to walk that I realize how much pain I'm in, we take one step, and my knees buckle from the pain. Alistair races over pulling my other arm up over his neck, then they practically carry me over to a log by the fireplace, and help me sit.

"Nobody's ever stood up to Zevran like that, nobody except Nathaniel I mean."Alistair says causing me to laugh trying to ignore the pain.

"It's about time someone did."Wynne says, I laugh harder only to stop, gripping my side in pain, and I grit my teeth in agony.

"What in the Maker's name happened to me?"I ask.

"Well, we were walking when the was this bright blue light coming from above us, suddenly we turn to look around, and there you are on the ground with about five darkspawn corpses around you. You don't even have a weapon, so you're lucky you didn't get the taint."The warden, Nathaniel, says walking up to us.

"Ouch,"I grip my side in pain once more."at first I thought I was dreaming, but this hurts to damn bad to be a dream."I groan.

"Why'd you think this was a dream?"Wynne asks.

"No reason."I lie, causing each person to look at me like 'Yeah right.'causing me to sigh, my ribs to ache, and my stomach to growl. Causing Wynne to chuckle, she spoons a bowl of soup, handing it to me, and I smile before thanking her.

"What is your name, my lovely dear?"Zevran asks sitting across the fire from me, I blink before taking a bite of my soup, and swallowing it.

"Annalise."I answer causing everyone to look at me odd.

"Well, I think that is a beautiful name."Alistair says, I let out a cough, and I shake my head.

"T-Thank you."I whisper.

"Annalise?"Nathaniel raises an eyebrow.

"Annalise Eliza Lucy-Jane Sunshine Raen Hunter."I smile as they stare at me dumbstruck. "What? I know it's a long name bu-"I'm cut off.

"Are you of royality? Only someone from royality has such a long name."Zevran states, I let out a very quiet chuckle.

"No, I am not royality. Nor, do I think that I have a single relative that is royality."I say as I eat some of my soup.

"You are very beautiful, no?"Zevran says causing me to turn red at the compliment.

"I-Um-t-thanks?"I mutter before ducking my head so that my hair makes a curtain in between me and the others.

"Did she just turn red?"Nathaniel asks.

"N-No!"I shout looking up before taking another bite of my food.

"I think she did."Alistair points out.

"Oh shut up!"I groan as I let my hair fall in front of my face again.

"You three men are going to enjoy teasing her huh?"Wynne says.

"This is a strange woman, I don't agree with her being here."Sten's voice fills the silence.

"I just realized that we haven't introduced ourselves."Alistair says.

"You've haven't."I agree.

"I'm Alistair."Alistair rakes a hand through his hair.

"I'm Nathaniel Cousland."Nathaniel says glaring at me before he chuckles with a smile.

"I, my dear beauty, am Zevran."Zevran smirks as he slides onto the log to my left, pushing me towards Alistair, who ends up falling off the log.

"Hey!"Alistair whines.

"I'm Wynne, young one."Wynne steps forwards as I finish up my soup.

"Over there is the heartless shrew, her name is Morrigan."Alistair says causing me to raise an eyebrow at him, then I frown.

"That's not very nice, I bet you judge her because she's a mage, and she has put up walls all her life so she doesn't get hurt."I state crossing my arms over my chest.

"Excuse me?"Alistair asks confused as I made Zevran, Nathaniel, and Wynne all laughing.

"Anyway,"Nathaniel stretches out the word. "that glaring giant of stone is Sten."Nathaniel finishes, I nod before chuckling a little.

"As I said,"I pause as I yawn. "My name is Annalise."I yawn once more as my eyes start to droop. "Man am I tired."I yawn.

"You should let me heal you before you fall asleep once more."Wynne says worriedly.

"Okay but...I don't think I can walk."I groan as I twist my torso, only to feel a sharp pain in my right rib, and wince as my hand shoots to it.

"I see. Alistair, be a dear and help the young lady to the cot in the spare tent, okay?"Wynne asks as she stands walking over to her bag, pulling out vials with strange colored liquids in them.

"I'll help."Nathaniel says as he stands, he walks over to me as Zevran stands, he sits on the log, and slings one of my arms around his neck while Alistair does the same with my other arm. Together with my help they get me to the tent, then on the cot."If you need anything, I'll be here for you."Nathaniel says.

"Last I knew, you weren't so sure about me being here."I state.

"Yeah, well you say you're 24, yet you could pass as a child with your height, and how you act, so I'm going to be your big brother while you're here."Nathaniel pauses, then adds."I've always wanted to have a little sister."He smiles at me before ducking out of the tent.

"I always wanted a big brother."I call after him, Wynne enters moments later, helping me to sit up, then she pulls my shirt up to my bra line having me lay back, and then she starts on her healing. I must have fallen asleep somewhere along the way because I woke up after what felt like forever to find it **pitch black** outside with no light other than the crackling inviting fire.

* * *

><p><strong>WOOT SAUCE! TWO CHAPTERS ONE DAY! THIS CHAPTER IS JUST A FILLER, THERE WILL BE SOME FIGHTING SCENES IN THIS STORY TO, BTW. THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY SISTER FOR HER LATE SWEET 16 BIRTHDAY PRESENT! PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Soundtrack-  
>I hate everything about you: Three Days Grace (Lyrics)<br>Gives you hell: All American Rejects (Lyrics)  
>Just a dream: Carrie Underwood (Lyrics) x 2<p>

-Four days later-

After a few days of regular healing from Wynne all my injuries are healed, my stressed muscles are now all loose. I managed to at least get Sten to smile at a joke, and Morrigan to agree that I should stay, but it was Nathan, as I am calling him now, only agreed to let me stay if I can help and if I can fight. I ended up surprising them with my ability to sword fight, and that I was interested in learning to shoot a bow. Since it was said that they didn't know how to shoot I suggested that we visit a place to find an archery teacher such as Fereldan's Lothering, they went to object but I begged saying I was curious because I'd heard so much about it, but I'd never actually been there, and they caved. Now Nathan, Wynne, Alistair, and I are marching to the small town as Morrigan, Zevran and Sten stay behind to protect the camp with Bodhan and Sandle.

"So, you say you're 24?"Alistair asks from the rear, in front of me Nathan sighs, and behind me I hear Wynne do the same.

"Uh-huh! I'll be 25 in about a month's time."I say excitedly.

"You are short, are you sure you aren't even remotely part elf?"Wynne asks.

"Yes, I'm completely human."I say with a smile.

"Can we please drop this subject?"Nathan asks, he's starting to grow on me like an actual big brother so it's my job to act like the little sister.

"Okay, so Annalise..."Alistair calls, I turn my head slightly to look at him. "have you ever licked a  
>lamp-post in winter?"He asks.<p>

"A what?"I ask, I hear Nathan growl turning to Alistair,

"Don't ask her questions like that!"Nathan barks.

"I'm just curious."Alistair says, I think of what he said only to turn bright red.

"UGH! No! I've never done that! I-I-I-"I turn scarlet as Alistair starts to laugh."W-Why would you ask me that?!"I look at me feet as we continue our journey.

"Let change the subject again!"Nathan orders.

"Yes please!"I agree, that's how the entire journey went, after three days we made it to Lothering,  
>there Nathan, Wynne, and Alistair lead me around the town, looking around for an archer. Finally, I yawn as I look around, I haven't been sleeping quite well so I've been staying up at night.<p>

"Let's stay in the pub for the night, we can continue our search tomorrow."Nathan says, we all murmur an exhausted agreement, entering the pub only for two guards walk up to Nathan.

"Well, look what we have here men...I think we've just been blessed."One says.

"Uh-oh. Loghain's men. This can't be good."Alistair inputs.

"Didn't we spend all morning asking about a man by this very description? And everyone said that they hadn't seen one?"A man in the helmet says, then he smiles as he gives me a leering look, I whimper stepping behind Nathan.

"It seems that we were lied too."The first one says, out of the corner of my eye I see a woman in what appears to be robes walks up to us with a dagger on her back.

"Gentlemen, surely there is no need for trouble. These are no doubt more poor souls seeking refuge." The female says.

"They're more than that. Now stay out of our way, sister. You protect these traitors, you'll get the  
>same as them."The first man snaps.<p>

"What make you think we're traitors?"Nathan asks.

"Teyrn Loghain claims the Grey Wardens betrayed the king, or haven't you heard?"The woman inquires.

"Enough talk! Take the Wardens into custody. Kill the sister or anyone else that gets in your way."The  
>first man orders.<p>

"Right! Let's make this quick!"The second guard says.

"Get out of the way."Alistair yells gently pushing me to the bar, I duck behind it as the fighting  
>finishes.<p>

"Alright, you've won! We surrender!"The first man says.

"Good. They've learned their lesson, and we can all stop fighting, now."The woman says.

"The Grey Wardens didn't betray King Cailan...Loghain did."Nathan says as I slowly lift my head up,  
>walking over to my companions.<p>

"I was there! The Teyrn pulled us out of a trap!"The first one says.

"The Teyrn left the king to die!"Nathan yells.

"The Wardens lead the king to his death! The Teyrn could do nothing!"The second one says.

"Take a message to Loghain."Nathan orders.

"W-What do you want to tell him?"The first one asks.

"He'll pay for what he's done. The Grey Wardens are coming for him."Nathan says.

"I'll tell him. Right away. Now. Thank you!"The first one says.

"I apologize for interfering, but I couldn't sit by and not help."The woman says.

"So I see."Nathan smirks. "Where does a sister learn to fight like that?"Nathan says, I can pick up on the flirting tone in his voice.

"I wasn't born in the Chantry, you know. Many of us had more...colorful lives before we joined."She  
>inputs.<p>

"Let me introduce myself. I am Leliana, one of the lay sisters of the Chantry here in Lothering. Or I was."She finishes.

"What does that mean?"Nathan smirks.

"I joined the Chantry to live a life of religious contemplation, but I am no priest, no even an  
>initiate."Leliana says.<p>

"I'm Nathan, pleasure."Nathan says causing me to smirk.

"They said you're a Grey Warden. You will be battling darkspawn, yes? That is what Grey Wardens do?" Leliana inquires causing me to grind my teeth, I've never cared for Leliana, she states the obvious way too much. "I know after what happened, you need all the help you can get. that's why I'm coming with you."She says with a serious expression.

"Why so eager to come with me?"Nathan asks with a flirty tone mix with curiousity.

"The Maker told me to."She says.

"Can you...elaborate?"Nathan asks.

"I-I know it sounds...absolutely insane-but it's true! I had a dream...a vision!"Leliana presses.

"More crazy? I though we were all full up."Alistair says causing me to laugh.

"Look at the people here. They are lost in their despair, and this darkness, this chaos...will spread.  
>The Maker doesn't want this. What you do, what you are <strong>meant<strong> to do, is the Maker's work. Let me help!"Leliana  
>says.<p>

"Very well. I will not turn away help when it's offered, besides-It seems you can work not only a  
>dagger or two but, a bow as well. We are in need of a teacher for Annalise."Nathan says.<p>

"Thank you! I appreciate being given this chance. I **will not** let you down."She says.

"Okay, well we're going to get two rooms here. Here,"Nathan hands her something from his pack. "put this on for more protection."He says, two hours later I am in one room with Leliana, and Wynne while Alistair and Nathan are in the other room. I am sitting on the bed against the wall with my pillow in my arms.

"That Nathaniel is quiet handsome."Leliana says causing me to chuckle, maybe I could get use to her, if Nathan keeps her around more often.

"If you say so."I chuckle.

"You cannot tell me you do not think so, he seems over-protective of you."Leliana says, I turn red at what she's getting at.

"N-NO! No no no no no no no no no! **Please**! Nathan is like my big brother!"I shake my head.

"I see."Leliana says with a smirk as Wynne chuckles at us.

"Oh young girls and their gossip!"Wynne says.

"I am **not** gossiping."I state.

"Oh-but you are."Leliana smiles at me, I bury my face in my pillow, and grunt as I shake my head.

"Unfair! How is it I am turned into a bumbling blushing gossiping mess here?"I ask myself causing both Wynne and Leliana to chuckle, I chuck my pillow at Leliana, causing it to biff her in the head, then I crawl over to the edge of the bed, standing, and I walk to the door. "I need to go for a walk."I state before I open the door walking out of the room, slamming the door behind me, and I frown as I walk down the step to the door of the Inn only to stop as I hear my name called. "Yes?" I ask as I turn to see Alistair, and Nathan.

"Where are you going? You've not even changed out of your armor."Nathan says.

"I need some fresh air, would you two like to come?"I ask politely.

"Sure."With that we walk out of the Inn, we start on a walk where we end up in the fields behind the  
>Inn. <strong>(AN; This next part is part of my own quest.)**

"What's that?"I ask looking at a figure standing in the middle of the field, all three of us pick up  
>our pace, racing towards what looks like a woman, suddenly there is a blast, sending Alistair back to the left as Nathan is blasted to the right, and I'm sent sailing through the air straight back as everything goes pitch black...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The next chapter is going to be my own part, this is Annalise's <strong>**_first_**** encounter with a sloth and desire demon, but it's going to be Alistair and Nathaniel's second encounter...seeing as they were at the tower to get Wynne. Any how, that's your peek is Sloth and Desire demons. Please continue to read, piece out my readers!**


	4. Chapter 4

Soundtrack-  
>What hurts the most :Rascal Flats (Lyrics)<br>God bless the broken road: Rascal Flats (Lyrics)  
>If I die young: The Band Perry (Lyrics)<br>Monster: Skillet (Lyrics)  
>Hero: Skillet (Lyrics)<br>Complicated: Avril Lavigne (Lyrics)  
>_<p>

Quickly I shoot out of the bed, shaking my head trying to clear the foggy feeling, then I blink as rapidly as possible, and look around at my surrounding. '_Where am I?_'I think to myself.

"Ah good morning dear, it's good that you're finally up!"Calls a vaguely familiar voice, I slowly turn my head towards the voice to find my mother.

"Good morning mom!"I smile as I climb off my bed, racing over to her, I give her a squeeze, and she smiles down at me.

"Goodness, what's gotten into you today?"Mom asks as I slowly step back, and I shake my head confused.

"Nothing."I say quickly as something nags at the back of my mind.

"Well, then... get dressed. Marco is waiting for you downstairs, I turn pink as I nod my head, I turn to my dresser pulling out my black leather pants, a big blue shirt, and my under clothes. I pull my clothes on along with my old brown leather boots, then I braid my scarlet locks back, and grab my wooden sword from the umbrella stand. I bounce down the stairs racing towards the kitchen, I grab a slice of buttered toast, then I race to the door to find Marco standing there, and I turn a darker pink.

"H-Hey Marco."I look down bashfully kicking my legs.

"Oh! H-h-h-hey A-Annie."He stutters.

"R-Ready to go?"I ask, again something nags at the back of my mind.

"Yeah!"He grabs my hand pulling me outside, my face is bright red now, and we stop at the lake that is right in front my house. "Okay!"He grabs his wooden sword, taking his stance, I grab mine as I get ready to take my stance. I swing at him, which he parrys, I swear I catch a glimpse of a real sword in my hand.

"I must warn you, I've gotten alot better."I say as I dodge his sword.

"Practicing with trees again?"He teases, I land a blow on his leg, causing him to trip forwards, and he lands on me.

"Maybe I was."I whisper as he sits up a bit, he gives me a cheeky smile, then he turns red.

"Do you like me Annie?"He asks.

"H-How'd you know about that?!"I ask.

"I like you, that's how."Marco says, I take a deep breath as my face turns the color of my hair, and a scent fills my nose, not the normal scent of trees and fire that Marco gives off, but the smell of decay and death. "Annie?"He asks as I push him off rolling away from him, I blink rappidly, and frown.

"Hey! Get away from her!"I hear a very familiar voice yell as Nathan comes into view, he tackles Marco pinning him to the ground, and a scream rips from my throat. Nathan looks up at me, pain flashes behind his eyes as he gets up, I look at Marco as I race forwards, only to scream as there is Marco, limp on the ground with a knife in his chest.

"**MARCO**!"I scream as Nathan gets to me before I can do anything, he holds me back, and I scream at him. "**HOW COULD YOU?! HE WAS MY FRIEND! HE WAS MY FRIEND AND YOU KILLED HIM!**"I scream as tears fall down my cheeks.

"What's going on out here?"I turn as my mother and father come out of my house.

"**MOM! DAD! HE KILLED MARCO**!"I scream going towards them only to stop as Nathan grabs my arm, making me look at him.

"Annalise! It's not real! None of it's **REAL**!"Nathan says.

"**AHAHAHAHA**! You are too late. The girl is too far gone, she wanted a family that loved her, and she wanted her childhood friend and secret lover to be alive and to love her back, that's what we gave her."Mom says in a distorted voice, I blink as I whimper scared.

"It's okay Annalise, I'll protect you."Nathan swears.

"Annie, come here sweetie."Dad calls, I take a step twoards him, only for Nathan to pull me back.

"It's not real Annalise, remember that."Nathan says grabbing my arm gently.

"R-Right."I whimper, suddenly my parents run forwards with daggers in their hands, suddenly Nathan shoots forwards with his shield in one hand, and his sword in his other hand, moments later my parents are on the ground, blood flowing from their bodies, I drop to the ground sobbing as my hand grips my neck, suddenly everything fades including Nathan, and I blink open my eyes. I sit up as tears roll down my face, my body  
>racks with sobs, suddenly I'm pulled into a hug causing me to look up, and see Alistair hugging me.<p>

"It's okay to cry."He says, I turn clutching his blue tunic, and sob into his shoulder, after about 10 minutes I wipe my eyes sniffling.

"Thank you, Alistair."I sniffle as he lets me go, I slowly stand with him as I wipe my cheeks again.

"You are welcome, after all- what kind of man would I be to let a woman cry by herself?"He jokes at me causing me to chuckle softly, a light pink dusts my cheeks because he saw me cry. Behind us someone clears his throat, causing Alistair and I to step apart again, Alistair is bright red even in the dark of the night, and Nathan crosses his arms smirking.

"Thank you, once again Alistair."I say.

"If you two are done canoodling, we should head back to the Inn."Nathan says, I turn away as I blush at Nathan's word usage.

"L-Let's go."I mutter walking towards the Inn, Nathan and Alistair are following behind, I sigh as I enter my room at the pub to find Leliana and Wynne are both asleep. "Alone with my thoughts."I sigh shaking my head, I open the door, slipping out silently, and slip downstairs to the pub. I sit at the table closest to the fire, I sigh once more as I turn looking in the fire.

"Hey."I jump turning to see Alistair sitting down across from me, I look around to see that everyone else has either left, or gone to bed including the Inn keeper, and the Salesman.

"Maker's breath! Alistair you scared the shit out of me!"I say causing him to chuckle, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry."He says, I look at the fire.

"It's fine. I'm just...shaken, from the whole experience, ya know."I shrug as I continue to look, I fiddle with my fingers on top of the table, something warm cups my hands, I turn to see Alistair with his hand over both of mine, and he's giving me a soft smile.

"Nathaniel told me about your Fade experience, the small amount he knows."Alistair says.

"I don't want to talk about it."I state.

"I won't push you, okay?"Alistair pauses looking down. "But, I am here for you, if you want to."He says.

"I was an orphan, my parents just dropped me off on the first Chantry they could find."I shake my head in spite of myself. "I was raised there, and I befriended a boy...his name was Marco. We were the same age, he taught me a bit of sword fighting with wooden swords, and such. I was,"I worry my lip between my teeth, as I fight back tears. "I **THOUGHT** I was in love with him, we were ten when he was killed- by a bandit. I didn't  
>leave his side until the priests pulled me away. I-I just couldn't take the heartbreak."I say looking at the table.<p>

"I am sorry."Alistair says.

"I couldn't help but wonder, why me? Why Marco? Why did my parents just leave me? Didn't they want me? Didn't they love me?"I ask more to myself then to him. "Was I not good enough for them?"I shake as my tears start to fall, and I just reach up, wiping my eyes.

"I-I'm not sure."He says.

"I guess I just got dealt with the shitty hand of life."I pause to wipe away more tears. "I always imagined what my mother and father looked like, and those people in the Fade looked just like them. That is what should have woke me up, not Nathan."I state.

"It's not your fault."Alistair consoles.

"I know, but I've tried to tell when things are fake or real. Now I have this ache in my chest, one that I'll never be able to fill."I shake my head.

"Do you want to know what I was promised in the Fade, **BOTH** times I was there?"He asks, I nod even though I know what he was promised in the Fade the first time. "The first time, I was promised family. I have a half-sister who's name is Goldianna, that's who the Fade promised to me."Alistair grimaces.

"Did you ever meet her in real life?"I ask, he nods before he frowns completely.

"She rejected me."He says.

"I'm so sorry."I say.

"It's fine."He shrugs. "But, the second time... I was promised something else. I was promised love."He turns red, looking down.

"Who'd they promise you love with?"I ask confused.

"I-I'd rather not say."Alistair says.

"Oh! Come on! I told you mine."I smile at him, he looks away, more red than before.

"N-No way!"He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Oh, come oooooooonnnnnn!"I beg, he shakes his head. "If you don't tell me, then I'll just have to assume it's worse than it actually is."I state causing him to groan.

"I won't tell you."He says.

"I'll guess then, and I'll use the level of your blush to guess if I'm right or not."I state.

"You won't find out like that."He says.

"Umm...Nathaniel?"I guess causing him to turn bright red.

"**WHAT?! I AM STRAIGHT**!"He yells.

"Just asking."I shrug. "Okay, no men..."I mutter.

"I can't believe you asked me that."He says.

"Not Wynne, she's old enough to be your grandmother."I look to see him nod an agreement. "Leliana?"I ask causing him to facepalm, then shake his head. "Well, who else is there? I mean come ooon, it's not like it  
>is Morrigaaaahn! <strong>YOU LIKE MORRIGAN!<strong>"I scream causing his the pretend to choke, then die. "All that leaves is the guys, or me. I don't think it's me."I pause as I see him bright red, including his ears."Y-You l-like me?" I ask in surprise.

"Y-Yes."He swallows, I frown shaking my head.

"Alistair, I can't-I mean I'm not-Ugh!"I frown shaking my head.

"Oh, you don't like me like that?"He asks.

"Of course I do, any girl in any state of mind would like you like that! But I can't be with you!"I sigh shaking my head.

"Really? Oh...I mean, what?"He pauses.

"You are a royal, don't ask me how I know -I just do-, and I am not anywhere near royal. You could be king!"I say.

"I don't want to be king!"He says, I groan shaking my head, and I pound my head on the table.

"Okay, I've given you my reasoning for not being able to be with you."I say as I stand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make things awkward."Alistair says standing too.

"No, you didn't make this awkward."I say giving him a gently hug, then I pull away as I turn walking towards the bedroom, and I open the door. I walk into the bedroom, closing the door behind me, then I peel my leathers off, pulling on my tunic and breeches. I crawl on the bed, laying on the bed next to the very softly snoozing Leliana, blushing away I fall asleep.

+Back with Alistair+

Alistair is stand right where Annalise left him, frozen from her hug, he sighs running a hand through his hair. "Maker's breath,"He sighs with a breath of a smile, shaking his head. "she'll be the death of me."He finishes as he walks to Nathaniel and his bedroom, falling asleep in his tunic, and breeches.

+Back to Annalise+

I sit up in bed, sigh as I shake my head, then I lay back in bed, tossing my arms over my eyes. "I hate nightmares."I sigh as I slowly fall asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Woot-sauce! Two chapters in one day, again! Okay, all I'm gonna say is review.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

_Antivan will be french_

Soundtrack-

What the hell: Avril Lavigne (Lyrics)

Hot N' Cold: Katy Perry (Lyrics)

Phantom of the Opera: Lindsey Sterling

-Three days later-

Zevran, Nathaniel, Leliana, Wynne, and I walk through the forest on a super hot day, stumbling upon a Dalish Elf camp, Nathaniel leads us up to the guards, all the while my fingers are twitching towards my bow as I know how this quest goes. Nathaniel talks to the guards, the female leads us to talk to Keeper Zathrian, and I step to the back of our group. I look up at my friends, each covered in a layer of sweat all of their own. "You have someone among you, one who is not welcome to our camp. I advise she also be not welcome among yourselves."Zathrian says.

"And who would you say is that?"Nathan inquires.

"The one that is hidden in the back of your group."Zathrian says, Nathan and Leliana step to the right as Wynne and Zevran step to the left, all six (including the Keeper's first) sets of eyes land on me as I blush hiding behind my hair, and suddenly Nathan growls.

"**WE ARE NOT HERE ABOUT ANNALISE! WE ARE HERE ABOUT YOU, AND YOUR CLAN!**"Nathan barks.

"**I quite agree.**"Wynne says.

"**I do not see why you felt the need to point her out.**"Leliana snaps.

"**Perhaps you need to watch what you say around certain people, no?**"Zevran demands, everyone coming to my rescue makes me feel all warm inside, and makes me feel actually wanted for once in my life. I had to choke back tears as the Keeper looked away, motioning for the others to follow, but I stay back as they talk. I notice that Zevran looks back at me as I let out a huff of breath, he nudge Nathan pointing at me, while saying something I can't hear, and Nathan nods with a smirk evilly causing me to get suspicious. Suddenly Zevran stalks up to me, picking me up he chucks me over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?!"I squeal, he turns walking towards the lake.

"You look to be in need of a dip."Zevran says.

"Y-YOU WOULDN'T!"I scream.

"Oh but, I would!"Zevran chuckles evilly, I start to pound on his back.

"Zevran! Put me down! Zevran, I demand you drop me, this instant!"I scream.

"No can do, beautiful."Zevran says as I squirm pounding on his back, the entire dalish campsite, except the Keeper and our companions, is looking at us.

"Nooooo! Zevran!"I scream as he gets closer, he just chuckles as I pound harder on his back. "**Put me down!**"I laugh. "Leliana, help me!"I scream, but I can hear her laugh loudly, and I turn looking over my shoulder to see the lake extremely close. "_P-Please Zevran!_"I beg quietly.

"Are you afraid?"Zevran asks, a hint of humor in his voice.

"_Y-Yes! I-I-__**I CAN'T SWIM!**_"I scream loudly.

"Oh! Eh bien merde!(Oh! Well shit!)"Zevran says as he sets me down, I let out a shaky breath before glaring up at him, he jumps back. "If looks could kill, no?"Zevran says trying to make light of the situation.

"You are **so** dead."I threaten, I hear Nathan chuckle as he walks up to us, and I glare at him too. "So are **you**."I snap as I walk over to Leliana, who welcomes me with a smile as Nathan and Zevran talk quickly and quietly so we can't hear, Nathan suddenly shoots me a sorry glance before returning to the conversation.

"Well, anyway! We have to fight some Werewolves, since this is a very dangerous mission I am leaving Annalise behind with Zevran, and-"I cut Nathan off.

"**WHAT?! THAT'S NOT FAIR! I'VE BEEN TRAINING SO HARD!**"I yell.

"Not this time short stuff, maybe while we're gone Zevran can teach you to use daggers."Nathan says.

"**I'M NOT THAT SHORT!**"I yell, he just laughs as he walks towards the woods, I cross my arms over my leather clad chest, glaring after him.

"**TRY TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS WHILE WE'RE GONE!**"Nathan yells back before disappearing completely into the woods, I huff in anger as I turn facing the lake, and stomp my foot like a three year old who isn't getting her way. Zevran clicks his tongue at me as he shakes his head, I turn to look at him confused, and he smiles causing me to eye him suspiciously as I stay on my guard around the assassin. _This __**can't**_ _be good. _I think to myself as he walks up to me, his smile becomes wider.

"You look so tired my dear, it is all this constant walking, and fighting. I think I know what you need." He says.

"Choose your next words wisely, unless you wish to walk around with you genitals on you face."I warn, he just chuckles.

"Oh! Is that a challenge I hear?"He pauses. "My thought is this, we pitch your tent, seeing as this will take a day, if not two, then we retire to it. Where I show you the sort of massage skills that one only learns growing up in Antivan Whorehouse."Zevran offers.

"Or how about, I pitch _**my**_ tent and _**I**_ retire to it, while you sit out here and try to stop your bleeding."I snap.

"But I am not bleeding."Zevran says, I quickly grab a cooking knife from next to a pot, swiping it across both of Zevran's cheeks, the tips of his ear, and then his right forearm before he can even move, then turn walking away as I toss the kitchen knife into the lake. I walk up to the Keeper's first, asking where I can pitch my tent, she glares before pointing to the far end of the clan's camp. A few minutes later Zevran walks up to her, asking for a tent to sleep in as I am in a glaring match with her, she points to the tent closest to the fire pit, where Zevran will be extremely warm. I sigh as I walk over to the bag, grabbing my tent I walk to the furthest reaches of the camp, hidden in the thick of the bushes and trees, pitching up my tent, I roll out my bedroll, and slip into my tent laying down as my head starts to pound with a migraine.

"I'm sick of crying, tired of trying. Yeah, I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying. As I'm smiling, it doesn't reach my eyes, my eyes that hold the lies, the lies that harm only myself. I'm sick of crying, tired of trying. Yeah, I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying. The pain is multiplying, and it's too much. I'm so sick of crying, inside I'm dying, and out loud I'm lying."I sing under my breath, I sigh as I close my eyes, suddenly outside a twig snaps causing me to secretly grab my bow and arrow, then I hear the tent flap rustle, and I bolt up with an arrow knocked into my bow aimed as I glare at the intruder. "What. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing. Zevran?"I demand as he is frozen in shock, my arrow is an inch from the middle of his forehead, and he chuckles nervously as he swallows audibly.

"I have food for you."He says holding out a bun, along with a bowl of brown substance that smells like beef stew.

"I don't want it!"I snap. "Knowing you, it's probably got poison in it."I mutter under my breath as I place my bow and arrow to the side.

"You have not eaten for three days!"Zevran snaps glaring at me.

"That's because **you** cook when Wynne isn't around."I snap.

"Gosse têtu.(Stubborn kid.)"Zevran mutters angrily as he ducks out of my tent.

"**EXCUSE ME?**"I yell as I crawl out of my tent, glaring at him, he just chuckles as he sets the food on a tree stump, I glare at him as I slip my boot off, and throw it at him. My boot hits him in the back of his head, causing him to stop as my boot falls to the ground, and he slowly turns to look at me. "I **said** "Excuse me?" jackass!"I yell.

"I called you a stubborn kid."He says with a shrug.

"I am **not** a kid, you heartless bastard!"I scream as I lunge at him, his eyes widen as I tackle him to the ground, grabbing one of his dagger from it's sheath holding it to his neck as I straddle him. "I am **not** a kid, a brat, nor a child!"I scream in his face, my face is red in anger as my scarlet hair hangs around my face, angry tears prick my eyes as I blink them back.

"I am partial to that color on you, it's very fetching."He smiles up at me, I slump forward, our foreheads touching.

"I give up."I sigh.

"Oh come now, you had such fire a moment ago. Where did it go?"He asks with a smirk as he grabs my hand that is wrapped around the hilt of the dagger, and switches it so he's holding the dagger, throwing the dagger to the side. He flips over so that I am under him, he smirks as he toss the other dagger, that I'm reaching for, away so that we both have no weapons. "I thought you gave up."Zevran says.

"I'm not giving up anything but fighting **with **you, **that is it**."I snap as I bring my right knee up into his groin, causing him to groan rolling off of me. I smirk as I stand up, brushing off the dirt off my clothes, and I grab the bun shoving it in his mouth. "That oughta shut you up."I say wiping invisible dirt off my hands as I turn, I stick my hip out with a huff, and climb back into my tent.

-One hour later-

I sigh as I throw my arm over my eyes, trying to block out the light, trying to sleep away the migraine, but it wasn't working. Suddenly my tent flap opens with Zevran peeking in, I glare at him as he quickly holds up both his hands, and I sigh. "What?"I demand.

"Are you have trouble sleeping?"He asks.

"There is too much light."I state.

"I see, shall I sit outside of your tent, and block the light?"He asks, my eyes narrow at him with suspicion. "I swear to you that I will not do anything but block the light."Zevran puts a hand over his heart.

"Fine."I sigh, he smirks slipping out of the tent again, sitting right in front of my tent, blocking all the light from entering, I crawl to the tent flap, fastening it up still not trusting the elven Assassin. I lay back on my bedroll, trying to get some sleep, after an hour it starts to get darker, but sleep still evades me. I sigh sitting up, I crawl to the tent flap, undoing it I peek out to see Zevran still sitting outside the tent, shaking as he sits there in the howling wind.

"Oh Maker, stop this almighty freezing, cold."Zevran says with chattering teeth.

"Zevran? Why are you out here still? It's dark… you can go back to camp."I state confused.

"I'm your companion, I am making sure you are not slaughtered in your sleep, Mon ami." Zevran responds, I groan with a sigh, and turn around reaching for my bedroll, then I place it over his shoulders.

"Just because we're companions, it does not mean we have to freeze to death for each other."I state as I go to lean back in my tent.

"Will you not be cold then? This is your only means of warmth and comfort."Zevran says.

"I'll be fine."I state already shivering, Zevran stands pushing me back gently, and enters the tent, quickly redoing the flaps, and reaches for my lantern and a book of matches. He lights the lantern, pulling me tightly against him as he wraps my bedroll around the both of us, then turns to lantern to us, letting the flame burn bright and high, leaving some warmth in my tent.

"You are very beautiful in this lighting, no?"He asks, his breath heavy on my neck.

"Don't even try it… I've never been with a guy in any sexual way, and I never will be."I snap as I duck my head, cheeks burning.

"I was just stating a fact."He says.

"Zip it before I decide to kick you out."I say as I snuggle closer to him for warmth.

"Why are you afraid of love?"Zevran asks, stroking my arm gently, I jump quickly as I scatter all the way across the tent, curling into a ball in the corner of the tent.

"D-D-Don't touch me!"I scream causing him to look a little frightened, then realization flashes across his face, settling in his eyes as he moves the bedroll off of his body, and he moves closer to me. Lightly touching my foot, I flinch away as a memory flashes across my eyes.

"My dear, I will not harm you."He says in a low, understanding voice, I peek over at him, he holds out a hand for me to take, which I blush gripping it, and he pulls me to him gently, wrapping the blanket around us. "Do you wish to talk about it?"He asks.

"I'm not sure…"I whimper.

"I understand… but you should talk about it, and I am here for you."Zevran says.

"I was only ten, a big man had me cornered in an alleyway at night, he had dark haunting eyes, short brown hair, and he smelled like alcohol with a vague scent of vomit."I pause looking down. "I screamed, trying to duck out of his way… he staggered, only to collapse on top of me."I suck in a shutter breath, clenching my eyes shut to hold back the tears. "H-He started to remove my clothes, and I screamed once, twice, three times more. I started to kick and punch him, but he just chuckled. It hurt, when he...ya know."Zevran nods his head, a solemn look on his face. "After if was over h-he just kind of left me there, bruised and battered. I had three broken ribs, and my wrist was snapped from him pinning it to the ground so hard."I reach up, wiping a tear away. "I couldn't move, I was in so much pain, and all I could do was scream. Scream and cry… at least he had the decency to force my clothes back on my body."I suck in a shuddering breath again, this time I bury my face in my hands, and sob.

"I-I don't know what to say."He whispers, then wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders. "Other than, I am sorry… that man was a monster, and I hope someone gave him what he deserved and much more."Zevran says behind me, his arms now wrapped around me for more warmth, and I am leaning against him while I sob. An hour later my eyes snap open, the lantern is dark, and the wind still howling outside but, it's very warm, causing my eyes to flutter closed as I cuddle into the warmth. I blush as I realize the warmth is Zevran, but don't move as I fall asleep again.


End file.
